Helping a Suicidal Friend or Relative
Be quiet and listen
When someone is feeling depressed or suicidal, our first instinct is often to try to fix the problem. We may give advice, share our own experiences, or suggest solutions. While practical information can be helpful, what most people need first is to be heard.
Before someone can think about solutions, they need a safe, non-judgemental space to express their fears, emotions, and thoughts. Listening—really listening—helps them feel understood and less alone.
Listening is not easy. It means resisting the urge to interrupt, give advice, or compare their experience with your own. Try to listen not only to their words, but also to the feelings behind them. See the situation from their perspective, not yours.
What people who feel suicidal often need:
- Someone who will listen
They want someone who will give them full attention, without judging, interrupting, or rushing them.
- Someone they can trust
They need to feel safe sharing their thoughts and feelings. Respect their privacy and treat what they share with care.
- Someone who genuinely cares
A calm, reassuring presence can make a huge difference. Let them know you care and that they matter.
- Someone who can talk openly about suicide
Talking about suicidal thoughts does not increase risk. Allow them to share their thoughts without shock, judgement, or fear.
- Someone to help explore coping options
Encourage them to think about ways to cope and where they can get support now and in the future.
What people who feel suicidal often do not want
- To be left alone
Feeling rejected or abandoned can make their distress worse. Staying with them or checking in regularly can help.
- To be lectured or told what to do
Statements like “Just cheer up” or “Everything will be fine” can feel dismissive. Avoid analysing, comparing, or criticising their feelings.
- To be interrogated or rushed
Talking about emotions can be very difficult. Avoid pushing them to talk or changing the subject. Let them share at their own pace.
- To have their hopelessness confirmed
Do not agree that things are hopeless. Instead, gently help them explore small sources of hope and possible supports.
Talking to Someone You Are Worried About
Starting a conversation about suicide can feel frightening, but asking directly does not put the idea into someone’s mind. In fact, it can show that you care and open the door for them to share what they are going through.
You might say:
“I’ve noticed you seem really down lately. Do you want to talk about it?”
“I care about you, and I’m worried about how you’ve been feeling.”
“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
Asking openly and calmly can help them feel safe and supported.
Helpful Things You Can Say
The right words are simple, honest, and compassionate. For example:
“I’m really glad you told me.”
“You’re not alone in this. I’m here with you.”
“That sounds really painful. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“You matter to me, and I care about your safety.”
“We can look for help together.”
You don’t need perfect words—your presence and sincerity matter most.
Words That Can Be Harmful (Even If Well-Intended)
Some phrases can make someone feel misunderstood or dismissed, such as:
“Just stay positive”
“Others have it worse”
“You have so much to live for”
“Suicide is selfish”
“Everything will be fine”
These statements may unintentionally minimise their pain. Focus on listening and validating their feelings instead.
Steps You Can Take to Help Protect Them
If you believe someone may act on suicidal thoughts:
Stay with them if possible, or ensure they are not alone
Remove access to dangerous items (medications, sharp objects, weapons) if it is safe to do so
Encourage them to seek professional help from a doctor, counsellor, or mental health service
Contact emergency services or a crisis line if there is immediate danger
Their safety is the priority.
If Someone Is in Immediate Danger
If you believe someone is in immediate danger of harming themselves:
Call emergency services right away
Contact a mental health crisis line
Stay with them until help arrives
Do not leave them alone.
Remember
You do not have to be a professional to help someone. Being present, listening, and showing kindness can save a life. If you are worried about someone’s safety, encourage them to seek professional help or contact a helpline, and do not hesitate to seek urgent help if they are in immediate danger.