Listening Skills
- Often, being listened to is enough to help someone through a time of distress. Simply being present and showing that you recognise someone is going through a difficult time can provide great comfort.
- Listening—really listening—is not easy. Many of us feel the urge to speak, give advice, or share our own experiences. However, effective listening means putting those urges aside and focusing fully on the person in front of you. It means listening not only to their words, but also to the emotions behind them, and trying to understand their experience from their point of view.
- It is important for people to have the opportunity to explore difficult feelings. Being listened to in confidence and accepted without judgement can reduce distress, despair, and suicidal thoughts. Before someone can begin to look for solutions, they need a safe space to express their fears, worries, and emotions openly.
Helpful listening behaviours
You are showing good listening skills if you:
Give the person your full and undivided attention
Maintain gentle eye contact and open body language
Allow silence so they can think and gather their thoughts
Ask gentle, respectful questions without intruding
Encourage them to tell their story in their own words and at their own pace
Try to see things from their point of view, even if you do not agree
Reflect back what they say (for example: “It sounds like you’ve been feeling really overwhelmed.”)
Show empathy with simple responses like “That sounds really difficult” or “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
These behaviours help people feel heard, valued, and supported.
Why listening matters
Listening helps people feel:
Understood – their feelings and experiences are acknowledged
Respected – they are not judged or dismissed
Less alone – someone is there for them
Safer – they can talk without fear of criticism
Sometimes, listening itself can be a powerful form of support.
Behaviours that can make someone feel unheard
You may give the impression that you are not listening if you:
Look around, check your phone, or glance at the time while they are speaking
Interrupt, finish their sentences, or correct their grammar
Turn the conversation to your own experiences instead of theirs
Make quick judgements based on appearance, accent, or behaviour
Tell them what you would do instead of listening to what they feel
Say you understand before fully hearing their story
Minimise their feelings with phrases like “It’s not that bad” or “Others have it worse”
These actions can make someone feel dismissed, judged, or unimportant.
Simple techniques to improve your listening
Use open-ended questions
Instead of yes/no questions, try:
“How have you been feeling lately?”
“Can you tell me more about that?”
Paraphrase and reflectRepeat back what you heard in your own words to show understanding:
“So you’ve been feeling very stressed at school and don’t know who to talk to.”
Be comfortable with silence
Silence gives people time to think. You do not need to fill every quiet moment.
Avoid giving immediate advice
Often, people want understanding, not solutions. Ask if they want advice before offering it.
Show empathy, not judgement
You do not have to agree with everything someone says, but you can still respect and validate their feelings.
Remember
You do not have to be a professional counsellor to be a good listener. Being patient, present, and compassionate can make a powerful difference in someone’s life. Sometimes, listening is the first step toward healing.
Understanding Different Types of Listening
Not all listening is the same.
Passive listening is when someone hears the words but is distracted, waiting to speak, or not fully engaged.
Active listening is when someone is fully present, focused, and responding with empathy and understanding.
Active listening helps people feel truly heard and supported, especially during emotional or crisis situations.
What Your Body Language Says
Listening is not just about words. Your body language can show care and attention.
Good non-verbal listening includes:
Facing the person and leaning slightly forward
Nodding to show understanding
Keeping a calm and open posture
Avoiding crossing your arms or turning away
Maintaining a relaxed and respectful facial expression
These signals help create a safe and welcoming environment.
When Someone Is in Severe Distress
When someone is very distressed, anxious, or talking about suicide, listening becomes even more important.
Stay calm and patient
Avoid showing shock, panic, or disbelief
Let them talk without interrupting
Take their feelings seriously
Encourage them to seek professional support if needed
Sometimes, your calm presence can help reduce their emotional intensity.
Listening Can Save Lives
Listening is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to support someone. You don’t need perfect words or solutions—just presence, patience, and compassion. Sometimes, being heard is the first step toward hope and healing.